You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
