dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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