Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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