These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
