Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
