During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
