i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
