At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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