I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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