i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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