I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize