When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
