those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize