This is not my ceiling
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
even my farts smell like vagina
my being single is dangerous.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
