I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
