I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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