Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
