I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
