put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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