Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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