he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
