No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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