This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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