Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
