i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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