just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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