Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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