do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
