i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
