Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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