So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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