Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
