she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
