My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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