then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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