Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
