Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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