There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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