thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
