We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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