is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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