you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Someone shit on the floor
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
