dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
