EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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