Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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