I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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