there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
