worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
