I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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