I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
