Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
