I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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