I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
