i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize