How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
