you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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