dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
