38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
