i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
