Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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