i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
