have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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