so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
