insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
