im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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