you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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