East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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