sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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