dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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