Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
whose parrot is this?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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