it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
