Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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