Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
